


The Way Home

by TheScholarlyStrumpet (equipoise)



Category: Stargate Universe
Genre: F/M, Infidelity
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-29
Updated: 2016-03-03
Packaged: 2018-04-12 21:53:58
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 15,614
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4496130
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/equipoise/pseuds/TheScholarlyStrumpet
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Change forces everyone to grow. Some grow together and others apart.  </p><p>Once they awake from stasis, Chloe is determined to make good use of the information the Blue aliens implanted in her brain. Rush always wants another puzzle to solve, but the pieces don't always fit together the way he thinks they will.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This story has been gathering dust on my hard drive for over a year because I got so immersed in Rumbelle. I finally finished it, though and decided to go ahead and post!  
> Note:  
> Eli's status in the beginning of this fic was inspired by the brilliant and amazing [Changing](http://archiveofourown.org/works/497367/chapters/871659) by the super talented [elaiel](http://archiveofourown.org/users/elaiel/pseuds/elaiel)

_As scheduled, three years and one galaxy later, the pods unfroze. The inhabitants woke up, as though from a very restful night’s sleep. There were a few overly full bladders and leg cramps, but overall, the crew members of the Destiny were in surprisingly good spirits. They seemed to have finally escaped the drones and there were no signs of threat or attack._

_There were also no signs of being any closer to Earth._

_Nicholas Rush made it a priority to check every life support system, disappearing almost immediately with Brody and Volker trailing in his wake._

_Chloe and TJ were the ones who found Eli. His repaired pod was frozen shut, his body in stasis. Chloe heaved an enormous sigh of relief at seeing him still alive, followed immediately by dismay at her lack of knowledge about the ship’s systems. He seemed to have programed it from the inside and they could not risk opening it to see how he had done so._

_Young wanted to place Park and Volker on it, sparing Rush the added responsibility so he could laser-focus on the ship. Chloe and Camile countered with Eli’s dire importance to their continued survival._

_Eventually, Young admitted he had worried Rush would not be concerned enough to make any real effort to free Eli, until life support was secure. To the surprise of many, Rush freely agreed with this assessment. Volker and Park went to work immediately._

_To the surprise of all but, perhaps, Rush, Chloe asked to continue working with the science teams. Her insight – some of it alien-engineered, some of it instinctual – proved invaluable._

_In the next three weeks, all systems on the ship seemed to be functioning as before. They had gated to a passably habitable planet and restocked on organic supplies. A few people had begun sewing new clothing out of fabric scraps. Brody’s still was back up and diluting some of the inherent boredom. Life was carrying on much as it had before._

_But Eli slept on._

****

The pounding on his door woke him up sometime around 0300 hours. He was tempted not to answer it until it was followed by a small voice.

“Rush? It’s me. It’s Chloe.”

He sighed heavily and pulled himself from the warm sheets. “Come in.”

Chloe looked as disheveled as he felt. Her hair was tousled, her clothes obviously thrown on in a hurry. Her eyes were wide and overly bright in her pale face. She held a sheath of paper in one hand and gestured broadly with the other. “I’m sorry. I’m really sorry to wake you. I just… I needed to tell you. You’re… I think you’re the only one I can tell.”

He rubbed his face with one hand. “Tell me what, Chloe?”

“I found it. Or rather it found me… or, I don’t know, but I know that we can do it!”

Nick blinked slowly at her. “You’re babbling.”

“We. Can. Wake. Eli.” She enunciated each word and paused after, meeting his eyes gravely as she did so. She held out the makeshift notebook.

He took it eagerly and leafed through the pages of familiar calculations until he reached something new. “What is this? It isn’t Ancient but it’s definitely not English. Chloe, where did you see these symbols?”

Her lips formed a flat line. “I was hoping you’d know what they were.” She collapsed heavily on the bed beside him. “I know that it’s the right formula but I just don’t know what it means.” She faced him and it struck him for a moment just how blue her eyes were before he refocused his attention of the strange symbols in his hand.

“Have you been… blacking out again, Chloe?” He tried very carefully not to sound accusatory. She was one of the few people on this ship who deigned to treat him decently; it would not do to drive her away.

She shook her head. “No, I was in control this time. It felt sort of like a… a lucid dream. I could see the whole thing and how it would fit together, so I grabbed the nearest notebook and started jotting it down. I knew that this was the answer and I know it now, looking at it. But it’s like… it’s like seeing something in your peripheral but when you turn, it’s no longer there. It’s just a little out of reach. I was hoping it was close enough to Ancient that we could at least make sense of it. I know we’ve been making the most of what they did to me and it helps, it really does. But I still don’t fully understand what I’m capable of and this was a new one. I don’t even know what it’s supposed to say.” Her tone grew increasingly frantic as the words poured out until she stopped abruptly and a look of horror suffused her features. “Oh, God. What if I am just going crazy?”

She gave a choking sob and buried her face in her hands. Every muscle in his body went tense. He hadn’t the slightest idea how to deal with a crying girl at the best of times. In the middle of the night, in the middle of an unknown galaxy, holding information that might possibly have been implanted in her brain when they’d been abducted by an alien race was certainly not the best of times. He extended an arm and draped it gingerly around her shoulders. She curled into him, wrapping her arms around his torso and burying her face in his shoulder.

“Hush, now. It’s not so bad. We’ll figure it out.” He murmured gentle nonsense into her hair until she stopped trembling. Eventually, she pulled away, sitting up straight and wiping at her face.

“Ugh, sorry. God, what you must think of me…” She gave a watery chuckle. “I don’t usually go around bursting into tears in the bedrooms of colleagues. I just… I really thought I had something here.” She frowned. “You won’t tell TJ or Young, will you? I haven’t lost time or blacked out. I don’t think I’m dangerous but you know they’d put me in quarantine anyway.” She shuddered involuntarily and he suppressed a strange urge to pull her back into his arms.

“No, unless you start sabotaging the ship again, your secret’s safe with me.”

“Thank you.”

He shrugged and squinted back down at the letters (or where they numbers?) trying desperately to find something recognizable. All of a sudden it struck him. “They’re backwards.”

“As in I wrote them down backwards? Or…?”

“Well, they aren’t Ancient, I’m sorry to say. That might have been too easy. But they do bear a resemblance. The way that Latin is the root of the Romance languages, I think these might share a root with Ancient. They just appear to be written running the opposite direction.”

“So, do you think you can translate them?”

He ran his free hand through his hair and nodded slowly. “Aye, I think I can. I may need your help, though.”

She hugged him so suddenly and so forcefully that it almost knocked them both over. He stiffened at first, out of habit, but reminded himself to relax. It was nice, really, after so long with no meaningful physical contact. When she sat back, he stood carefully and extended a hand to pull her to her feet and show her to the door. He didn’t want to get her hopes too far up, but if she was right, Eli could be unfrozen and gaining full control of the Destiny could be much more within their grasp. Even his skeptical nature was buoyed by the thought.

“Meet me in my blackboard hallway and we’ll get started. 0900 hours?”

She grinned. “I’ll be there with bells on.”

“I’d rather you left the bells behind.” He smirked. “Oh, and Chloe?”

She turned, framed by doorway. “Hm?”

“I think you’re very brave.” She looked confused, so he clarified. “Earlier, you wondered what I might think of you. I think you’re very brave.”

Her smile widened, her cheeks tinged pink. “And I think you’re a lot softer touch than you let on, Nicholas Rush.”

He cleared his throat and inclined his head, surprisingly flustered by her affectionate tone. “Let’s make that another secret between us, shall we? Wouldn’t want to ruin a man’s reputation, now would you?”

She gripped his shoulder and leaned in. “Your secret is safe with me.” She planted a small kiss on his cheek. Too stunned to move, he watched her leave.

 


	2. Chapter 2

They had been meeting for a couple of months and were making what, even Rush deemed significant, progress. In having to constantly dredge through the strange additions to her brain, Chloe found herself having to stop every now and then to take stock of her sanity. Rush was surprisingly gentle with her when this happened – further proving her faith in him to be well-founded.

She reminded herself that she was taking back control of what was done to her. She was using the damage against its originators and saving the life of a dear friend. It helped, a little. She still spent some days feeling like a raw nerve, but it helped.

Rush, though patient with her limitations, seemed nearly giddy at the prospect of unraveling a new mystery.

They managed to put together a rather fixed schedule, telling the others that he was teaching her Ancient and advanced Physics – which was true, in part. While they worked, Rush slipped into teaching mode more often than not. Chloe’s head felt full to bursting with new information but that, too, made her feel more in control. Knowledge was power, after all.

She also liked that Rush (Nick, as he’d suggested she address him, but she still felt odd calling him that) seemed to let his guard down when it was just the two of them. He could be very funny and downright charming, when the mood took him.

The two of them worked often side by side, which led to the occasional clumsy misstep. One late evening, when they were both running on minimal sleep, she went to step around him just as he moved to do the same to her, resulting in an almost head-on collision. They each side stepped the same direction and then the other.

Chloe began giggling. “Shall we dance, Dr. Rush?”

Next she knew, one of Rush’s hands gripped hers and the other came to rest on her lower back. He raised an eyebrow, grinning. With memories of a handful of ballroom dancing classes mixed into years of yoga and ballet, she subtly positioned them more correctly and allowed him to lead her in a box step and twirl.

By the time he dipped her, they were laughing wildly. His face was bent close to hers, their breathing loud in the enclosed space. Chloe found her heart beating a little faster, in a way that had nothing to do with the exertion.

Then, his grip slipped just slightly and she felt herself start to fall backwards. He started and grasped at her waist, yanking her back up. Luckily, his back was close enough to the wall that they managed to brace themselves without falling over. Breathless and impulsive, she hugged him. This time, he returned the embrace without tensing up first. They both bore goofy grins as she stepped back.

“You should do that more often.” She commented.

“Nearly drop you on the floor? Seems a dangerous sport….”

She giggled again. “I mean smile. You have a nice smile. It’s a shame we see it so rarely.”

“Can’t say I’ve had much reason in recent years.” The smile was fading from his face, his body language already beginning to close her out.

Determined not to let him drop too far into gloomy reverie, Chloe jumped right into teasing. “And here I thought you just didn’t want to ruin the misanthropic reputation you’ve so carefully cultivated.”

Rush seemed to be studying his chalk intently. “Hmph. Some reputations are well earned.”

“Oh you’re not so bad. Just guarded.”

“And arrogant. Short tempered. Rude. Stubborn. Sarcastic. Unapologetically so, by the by.” He casually ticked off each word on his fingers, a half-smirk hovering around his lips.

She put her hands out, palms flat in a pose of surrender. “Ok, ok. Let it never be said you are not also self-aware. But you don’t give yourself enough credit where it counts.”

“And where would that be?” He was trying to sound disinterested but she knew from experience that he’d have stopped the conversation already if that were true.

“You do mean well, most of the time. I didn't see it, at first, but I do now that I know you better. I mean, people think you don’t care about anyone but I think apathy never led to saving lives. And you’ve done that over and over, not just mine. Frankly, I think you lose your temper so easily because you care too much.” She had probably over stepped her bounds, but these days it was hard to tell where the lines were drawn.

“Did one of your degrees include Psychoanalysis?” He was still looking away and that bothered her more than it should have.

“No…”

“I can tell.”

She made a face at him. “Deny it all you like but you wouldn’t be working yourself so hard if you didn’t care.”

“About Destiny. About the mission.” He insisted, though the argument sounded a little hollow.

“Yes, but you could do that without keeping us all alive.”

He titled his head to one side, finally granting her an appraising glance. “Some of you serve a purpose, I suppose.”

Chloe rolled her eyes with purposeful exaggeration. “I’ll take that as a compliment.”

“Mm, I meant it as one.” Rush murmured, a glint of mischief – and something else that she couldn’t quite name – in his eyes.

Chloe felt herself flush, a pleasant heat igniting in her belly. Her mouth fell open, though she wasn’t sure what else she wanted to say. Before she could decide, the door opened and a third voice entered the room.

 “Wow, so this is where you’ve been disappearing to… “

“Matt? What are you doing here?” Chloe whirled around, feeling like a kid with her hand caught in the cookie jar.

Lieutenant Mathew Scott stepped fully into the hallway. “Some of the crew and I were getting together a poker game in the mess and I thought I’d see if my frequently missing girlfriend might be interested. You know, relive those far off days when we used to know what fun was like.”

Chloe’s smile trembled a little at the edges. “Well fun does sound like… fun, but I’m a little busy right now.”

“Yeah, you’re always a ‘little busy right now’, Chloe. I mean, I’m pretty sure we still live together if the presence of your clothing is any indication, but you’re never there when I wake up… You always go to bed after me… I mean, it’s been almost three months since we unfroze and I’ve barely seen you.” He lowered his voice, clearly conscious of Rush’s presence. “I miss you, baby.”

Rush had turned back to face the wall, chalk poised in one hand. Chloe glanced back at him, almost unthinkingly and moved in closer to Matt.

“I miss you too. It’s just that we’ve had so much to do… unfreezing Eli and still figuring out a lot of internal systems. We’re working on some pretty delicate things right now…” Matt’s face fell and Chloe’s heart sunk with it. She was being a terrible girlfriend and she knew it. “Look, I’ll, um, I’ll take a couple hours off tomorrow night and we’ll have a date, ok?”

“A whole couple hours. I suppose I should be honored.”

Her eyes went wide, pleading with him to understand. “Matt, please? I want to see you; I just need to finish a few things up.”

“You two better be saving a whole damn lot of lives in here.” The spark of humor returned to his eyes and he leaned down to kiss her forehead.

“I wouldn’t miss time with you for anything less.” She tilted her head up to catch his lips and felt them curve into a smile.

“Now that’s what I like to hear. Pick you up tomorrow at 1800 hours?”

She nodded and stepped reluctantly from his embrace. When the door had closed behind him, she turned back to Rush with a sigh. He was watching her with a peculiar look.

“What?”

He shrugged and shook his head, returning his attention to the wall in front of him. “I still need a translation for this symbol. Any idea if it’s alpha or numeric?”

She tried to shift her focus to the symbol, hazily familiar, like a long-lost memory. Matt’s sad eyes kept wavering back into her consciousness until she huffed aloud and shook herself. “I’m not a bad girlfriend, am I?”

Rush made a face like he had tasted something sour. “I’m hardly the person to ask.”

Chloe flinched, remembering his ill-fated romance. “Sorry.” She rubbed her face with her hands, feeling increasingly irritated with herself. “It just… It’s never going to get easier, is it?”

“Keeping secrets from loved ones? No. It doesn’t.” The flippant tone of his response irked her further. He didn’t have to concern himself with her love life, but he didn’t have to be a jerk about it, did he?

 “Well, that’s spoken like someone with experience in the matter.” She spat back.

He glanced at her with narrowed eyes but said nothing. She was tired and cranky and she was taking it out on him. And she knew it. Somehow that didn’t stop the words from tumbling out.

“I mean, he’s right. I know it’s important work but I’ve been practically ignoring him to get it done.  I’ve spent almost every waking moment since we woke up with you or Volker and Park. Mostly you.”

 “I didn’t know I was such a roadblock.” He grit out from between clenched teeth. He gestured toward the doorway. “I’m sorry, what should I have said? ‘Well, Lieutenant, I’d happily let your girlfriend join you, but right now, our whole mad plan is reliant on the alien voices in her head’?”

The words hit her like a fist to the gut, knocking out all her air. Her face flushed hot. “You know what? I’m taking the whole day off tomorrow to spend with Matt. He deserves it after waiting so patiently. So, don’t expect to see me or hear from my  _alien voices_  at all, tomorrow.”

“Aye and I’m sure Eli wouldn’t mind you taking the time. It’s not like he’s going anywhere, after all.” He snarled back at her, his fists balled by his sides. She could hear the chalk snapping in his grip.

Tears pricked her eyes. “How dare you even imply I am not doing everything I can for him. I came to you with all of this. I am risking everything, here- my lover, my freedom, even my sanity to figure this out!”

Rush opened his mouth to reply but Chloe cut him off with a wave of her hand. “No, whatever venom you are going to spew next, I don’t want to know. I’m leaving. My day off starts right now. I’ll be in the mess playing poker with my friends. In case you’re unfamiliar with the term – those are the people who  _don’t_  verbally abuse me!”

She stormed out to the sounds of Rush cursing in heavy brogue and what sounded suspiciously like a pieces of chalk being thrown against a wall.


	3. Chapter 3

Nick had managed to snatch a few hours of restless sleep after leaving the blackboard hallway, but it only left him feeling more ill-tempered and out-of-sorts. He tried to tell himself it had very little to do with his young protégé and her insufferably stalwart lover.

Of course, he knew Chloe was too fucking young to be cooped up with the likes of him all day. It made sense that she’d rather be playing games with handsome young soldiers. But she’d made a promise to keep working until Eli was awake. When he’d reminded her of that, she’d shown her claws and raked through any sense of the camaraderie he’d foolishly believed they were building.

He knew he was not an easy man to work with, or an easy teacher. Yet, until now, Chloe had weathered every storm. He supposed saving her life twice might have helped engender that sense of loyalty.

And it had felt good, he admitted to himself, to have someone trust him as implicitly as she did. It was more than passing pleasant to have someone laugh at his jokes, work for hours in companionable silence. A tiny, buried part of him could also not deny that she was easy on the eyes. Not that he was looking.

 Losing Gloria had broken him in ways he still could barely fathom. Mandy’s death and subsequent loss were the final nails in the coffin of any desire to pursue romantic attachments. He lived for the mission, now. And the mission needed Eli. That was the only reason he could find that Chloe taking off with Soldier Boy had riled him so. He assured himself that the roiling in his belly would quiet once the work could be resumed.

Unfortunately, true to her word, Chloe did not show up for her shift on the bridge. Finding that he had expected otherwise – even against his own cynical nature – threw him into a cold rage.

Park left the bridge nearly sobbing and Greer had threatened to rearrange parts of Nick’ anatomy. Even Brody’s stoic demeanor was shaken. Word travelled quickly that Rush was on a rampage. Eventually Camile tracked down Chloe to ask is she could shed any light on Nicholas’s latest temper tantrum.

It was well known around Destiny that Chloe was one of the few people who seemed to have a calming effect on Dr. Rush. His quips were not quite so razor sharp in her presence, his limited patience held in greater reserves.

He heard the doors slide open and knew without turning that they had sent her.

“Out.” He bit off the word sharply.

“You’re making a hell of a scene today, I hear. I think the words were ‘workplace hostility’ but that sounds a little watered down.” Chloe’s voice was low and forcibly casual. It grated on him.

“Have you gone deaf? I said get out. You didn’t want to be here today, you’re certainly not welcome now.” His hands flew almost mindlessly over the buttons, his body practically on autopilot.

“I shouldn’t have said what I did, last night.”

Nick forced a shrug, still refusing to turn and look at her. “Did you just come to state the obvious, then?”

She sighed; a gentle, sad sound that affected him more than he’d have liked.

“I just got frustrated with how long it’s taking to free Eli, with keeping more secrets, with Matt not understanding how important our work is and… and yes, with you, too.”

He turned at last. What had  _he_  done?

Her eyes were wide and searching. “You shouldn’t have said what you said, either.”

Nick’s mouth twisted into a puzzled frown.

Chloe’s voice dropped to barely a whisper. “You of all people know what it’s like to have those creatures in your head. It isn’t my fault I can’t get fully rid of them.” Her lower lip trembled and she bit it, as if to keep the rest of the words from spilling over into tears.

Right. That.

Well, wasn’t he just a total shite.

His defenses dropped completely, shoulders slumping with the sudden absence of righteous indignation. He ran a hand through his lank hair and was hit with a flash of embarrassing self-awareness regarding his appearance. “Chloe, I… You didn’t deserve that.” He stepped toward her, the very need to apologize tasting strange in his mouth, dusty from disuse. “You had every right to storm out like that and I’ve been a right arse about it. I’m sorry.”

A look of surprise flit across her pale face but she suppressed it admirably well. If he hadn’t spent so much time in her company lately, he might not have noticed it at all.

 A heavy silence descended. Nick turned his ring over and over, trying to think of a way to make this better. It struck him that Chloe could just have easily left things as they were, with him the insensitive prick, the villain of the piece. The very fact she was willing to talk it over humbled him, crippled though he still was with uncertainty about how to proceed.

Luckily, Chloe seemed to recover her voice faster. “Do you still have the dreams?”

He nodded before he could stop himself. “Aye. Not as often as I did, but… they still come.”

Slowly, she backed up against the nearest wall and slid to a sitting position, gesturing for him to join her. He arranged himself on the floor beside her without too much difficulty, though his knees protested slightly. He drew them up toward his chest, one hand dangling atop them, the other braced on the floor.

She tilted her head back against the wall and closed her eyes. “Sometimes I feel like they will never leave me alone. I think I’ve been so fixated on helping Eli because I didn’t want to think about any of that. Not that I don’t love him dearly and want desperately to free him for his own sake, but… well, as you said, he’s not going anywhere. At least he’s safe where he is. We still don’t know for sure that nothing tracked us here.”

“We can start back to work on the nav today, if you like.” He offered gently.

He rather hoped that would entice her away from the emotionally intimate path this conversation was quickly taking. He wasn’t sure he was quite right for the role of bosom buddy to a 20 something girl.

She gave a small nod. “Just give me a few minutes, okay?”

“Of course, sweetheart. Take all the time you need.” Cautiously, he placed his free hand over one of hers, giving it a reassuring squeeze.

They sat quietly. Her hand turned over in his and she laced their fingers together.

It was… nice.

 


	4. Chapter 4

In the end, Chloe and Rush did crack the code to shut off Eli’s stasis pod. They also learned a few very valuable tools that would control other settings in Destiny’s mainframe. Rush wanted to keep the information between the two of them, but Chloe couldn’t abide keeping any more secrets. They compromised on allowing out all relevant information regarding life support and the pods themselves.

After shaking off the sleep, Eli hugged every single person in the room, including Rush. To everyone’s amusement, Rush hugged him back, before berating him for not having left any usable notes.

Things were good.

Chloe had managed to mollify Matt by agreeing to a standing date night each week. Eli had taken over teaching her advanced Mathematics. The rest of the time she studied and worked with Rush. She had almost completed her lessons in Ancient - she wasn’t fluent but she could now distinguish it completely from the strange language the Blue aliens must have left in her head. There was always plenty to do, but it had lost the frenetic urgency.

Subtly, ever so slowly after that, Chloe noticed a change in Rush. He started shirking his responsibilities, retreating from the seat of control he’d once sought so eagerly. It was barely noticeable to anyone else, but glaringly obvious if you knew how to see it, how to see him. She still enjoyed their time together, but she could feel him pulling away from her, too. It hurt in a way she couldn’t quite describe. Between their shared trauma and the months they had spent together to unfreeze Eli, they had developed a rather unique bond. She felt closer to him than practically anyone she’d ever known. Despite repeated assurances to Matt, she knew it wasn’t quite a familial affection.

Neither of them had said or done anything that would cross the line into inappropriate territory. Yet, there was something between them, just below the surface. She could feel him looking at her sometimes, as they worked, with a heat that left her flushed and breathless. As long as they never said it out loud, never closed than gap between friend and lover, she could tell herself that it was acceptable to feel this way. It was acceptable to sometimes picture his hands as she used her own to relieve some tension in the dark.

One day, Rush was missing. Eli mentioned it casually, as though it was the standard occurrence. But Chloe knew better. Rush might avoid working with any other member of his team to pursue his own projects but he had never missed a lesson with her. She didn’t find him in the blackboard hallway or his quarters. Eli had been on the bridge all day with no sign of the caustic scientist. A tide of uneasiness began to settle over her as she searched the lesser used control panels and deserted corridors where he might take refuge.

Soon, there was only one place left to look. She knew before the doors even slid open that he was there. It felt like a hand was squeezing her heart in a vice-like grip.

The chair.

Of course the fucking chair.

She ran to his side, blood pounding in her ears. It never even occurred to her to radio for help. She knew how to deprogram it, almost instinctually. The bolts withdrew and the arm locks fell open. His eyes were still closed but a low groan escaped him. Just that indication that he was alive brought unexpected tears to her eyes.

“Rush?” No further response. She moved to stand in front of him, holding onto his shoulders for balance. “Nick?”

He made another noise and she leaned further in, brushing the sweat soaked hair back from his face with a sigh of relief. As the panic receded, she became vaguely aware of intimacy of her position. She was nearly straddling his lap.

He blinked blearily at her. “Mandy?”

Chloe bit her lip on all the furious things she had wanted to say. They would keep for now. The priority was his safety. “No, Dr. Rush. It’s Chloe. We should get you to Med bay.”

 “No need.” His gaze sharpened, eyes finding focus. “It didn’t work but I’ll be fine. Just a little weak right now.” It seemed to dawn on him, just then, that Chloe was practically on top of him. He raised his brow and gave her a weakly wolfish half-grin. “Didn’t know you cared so much, love.”

She heaved an exasperated sigh and pitched herself away from him, carelessly wiping the unshed tears away with one hand. “Of course you didn’t, you idiot. Because if you could believe someone would actually care about you, you wouldn’t have talked yourself into playing with this damned chair again. By yourself.” She tried to glare at him, but there wasn’t much as wrath in it as she’d hoped.

“Not playing. Learning. Exploring.” He tried to lean forward but fell back against the seat. “Fuck me, everything hurts.”

“Med bay.” Chloe repeated firmly.

He sighed. “Fine, just give us a minute, eh? Don’t think I could walk there right now if I tried.”

Chloe relented with a nod, studying him for any obvious signs of damage. No nosebleed. His hands were shaking a little, but that could be malnourishment or fatigue – both, knowing him. “How long have you been hooked up?”

Rush narrowed his eyes and at first she thought he might not answer, but he seemed to read something in her face that mollified him. “Since I went off second shift.”

“Christ! That’s nearly 10 hours! What the hell were you thinking, Nick? Did you  _want_  to disappear?”

He rolled his eyes like a petulant child. “Wasnae gonna disappear. Check the program parameters yourself if you don’t believe me. I just… I needed to…” His voice faltered and she understood immediately.

“To see if she was still there.” Her voice was barely above a whisper, but she knew he heard her clearly.

He nodded almost imperceptibly and then winced at the movement. “If there was even a chance and I didn’t take it… I’d never have forgiven myself.”

The pieces were starting to click into place. “But you had to wait until Eli was back because someone needed to be able to run the ship if you didn’t make it out.” She murmured. The very thought made her sick to her core.

It wasn’t a question and she didn’t need an answer to know she was right.

“How long have you been planning this?” Chloe continued, her mind racing furiously.

Rush said nothing, but she thought she caught a flash of guilt in his expression before he looked away.

“For fuck’s sake.” She rubbed her eyes, feeling much older than her years. “Why didn’t you at least tell someone?”

“And have them go running to Young? I’d rather take my chances on my own, thanks.” He was obviously feeling better now, as he gathered himself to rise from the chair.

“You could have told me!” She practically shouted in frustration. 

He paused, half-standing and looked at her, clearly taken aback by her vehemence. “I didn’t want to… place you in that position. Your loyalties are tested enough as it is.” He straightened, tugging his hopelessly wrinkled clothing back into place.

“So, you don’t think you can trust me? Or you don't think I get it?” The strange partition he’d been erecting between them since Eli woke up suddenly made too much sense. That wound ran deeper than she’d thought. She shook her head. "You're not the only one who has lost someone up here, you know?"

He flinched and looked away. "I know." The unspoken name of her father lay heavily between them.

That was how she'd first come to see Rush - a monster, a man who would sacrifice the person she held most dear. It was a strange trick that life had played on her, Rush going from an enemy to... _friend_ was not the right word but she could not allow herself to even think what might be. She wished she'd known him outside of a cramped spaceship. Thrown together like this, the intensity of every emotion felt magnified a hundred times. It was just too hard to sort them out in such close quarters. 

“And it’s not a matter of trust." Rush continued, at last. "You may be the one person on this whole bloody ship worth trusting. I just… I thought that…” He closed his eyes, swaying on his feet from exhaustion. 

Without a second thought, she was by his side, making sure he didn’t topple over. “You could have told me.” She repeated softly, catching him under the arms until he was fully upright.

“You’d have tried to stop me.” He muttered.

“You don’t know that.”

He looked confused.

 “Look, if you want to go ‘exploring’ with this damn chair, at least have the decency to say so, next time. So, that way I can be here to make sure you don’t disappear or get stuck or spend 10 fucking hours hooked up to it…” She held his gaze, keeping her voice even but deadly serious. 

He blinked at her. "You would do that?"

"Wouldn't you? If it was me?"

He had the decency to look sheepish, then. "Oh." It clearly hadn't occurred to him that he might care when other people put themselves at risk, until  now. At least, if that other person happened to be Chloe Armstrong.

The remains of her fury ebbed away and she decided to change tactics. Rush looked thoroughly shamed and she had no desire to browbeat him.

“Hey… just… no more sneaking off for kamikaze chair expeditions, ok? I will personally keep a 24 hour surveillance on you, if I have to. Do you understand?"

The corners of his mouth twitched upward. “Understood, Captain Chloe.” 

She couldn’t quite suppress her grin. “Good. Watch that I don’t have to pull rank on you again.”

“Aye, aye.”

Temporarily mollified, she wrapped his arm around her shoulders, settling some of his slight weight onto her. “Okay. Next stop, Med Bay.”

They shuffled along for a few steps when he stopped her. “Chloe?”

“Hmm?”

He hesitated , then leaned in to plant a brief peck on her cheek. “Thank you.”

Her cheek tingled and she fought back the urge to touch her fingers to it. “You’re welcome, Nick.”

 


	5. Chapter 5

 “Jesus, it’s not like you're single-handedly saving the whole damn crew!” Lt. Scott’s tenor echoed into the hallway and Nick stopped in his tracks.

“Keep your voice down!” There was a shuffling sound and Chloe’s voice dropped to a dark whisper. “I know it’s not just up to me but I’m a part of it. I have an important job to do, just like you do, and I’m doing it to the best of my abilities. How dare you even imply that my work with Dr. Rush isn’t critical to this mission!”

Lt. Scott scoffed loudly. “And that’s my point, exactly. What kinda crap has Rush been feeding you about this mission, exactly? Is he even trying to get the rest of us home, anymore? Are you? When did you start drinking the Kool-aid, Chloe?”

There was a gasp – definitely Chloe – and the sound of quick footsteps, one set and then another running after. Nick could picture Chloe striding away, exquisite in her fury, and Scott scrambling after her.

“Hey, wait, I’m sorry.” A scuffle of shoe leather “I’m sorry, okay?” Scott’s voice lowered and he murmured something Nick couldn’t catch.

Chloe made a choking noise. When she spoke, her voice was thick and slow, her affect gone flat. “Of course I want that, Matt. I just wish you could see this the way I do. For all the awful circumstances, this has been the opportunity of a lifetime for me.”

Scott sighed heavily. “I do see it, I mean, I’m really trying to. It just… feels like you’re slipping away from me. And it doesn’t help you still spend nearly half your time with that damn Rush.”

“Leave him out of it.” Chloe’s defensive tone made Nick smile, reflexively. Something in his chest fluttered and he quashed it resolutely. He really should walk away now or at least make himself known. For some reason, his feet just wouldn’t move.

“C’mon, Chloe everyone on the crew knows he’s got a thing for you.” Scott’s tone belied any idea that he could be joking. Nick’s throat constricted involuntarily.

“What?” Chloe was incredulous.

“How could you not notice? I mean, you’re the only one he ever wants to work with. You’re pretty much the only person he’s ever even nice to. I might be threatened if I didn’t trust you and if even the idea wasn’t just kind of… sad.”

Nick tried not to choke on the bile that rose unbidden in his throat.

“Don’t be ridiculous.” Chloe rejoined heatedly. “Dr. Rush is brilliant and yes, I enjoy working with him. He respects my scientific abilities, alien-given or not, and we work well together. Park refuses to work with him, Volker can’t stand him and he can’t stand Brody. That leaves Eli and me. Eli’s got a lot of other responsibilities, now. Plus, Rush is the only one that didn’t treat me like a freak back when I was going all blue skinned. He helped me see that I could actually be useful.”

“There’s more to life than being  _useful_. Loved, needed. You’ve always had that; why is it not important anymore?” There was a note of pleading in the younger man’s voice that made Nick roll his eyes. Of course, a soldier would have no appreciation for the subtleties of Chloe’s unique abilities and desires.

“It is important! But that’s not the same thing. You were able to build a whole life here – structure, following orders, giving orders. It gave you purpose. I was a civilian with no viable talents..” She exhaled, long and low.

Nick could almost picture the searching look she was giving her clueless paramour, but he wasn’t expecting her next words.

 “Matt, I need you to understand, or else… maybe we shouldn’t be doing this.”

Nick held his breath. Was she really giving Army Boy an ultimatum? Why did it suddenly seem so very important that Lt. Scott stay characteristically obtuse?

“Are you… are you saying what I think you’re saying? Would you seriously not want to be with me after everything, just because we disagree about how much time you spend writing equations on a damn wall with some cranky Scotsman?” Scott’s voice was too quiet to catch the next sentence, but it made Chloe laugh ruefully.

For no discernible reason, Nick’s stomach sank.

“Okay, okay. Maybe I’m over-reacting to your over-reaction. I don’t know.” She said something else in a lower tone, and Scott replied with something equally unintelligible. The quiet exchange of words was followed by the distinct smack of lips on skin.

He leaned back against the nearest wall. Well, that was that, then.

At least if they weren’t fighting, Chloe wouldn’t be distracted while working. It unsettled him more and more lately if she was upset. That made it hard for either of them to concentrate and had led to more than one unnecessarily harsh little squabble.

Still, it would be much better for all involved if she’d have done with the little distraction once and for all. Chloe was evolving and Lt. Scott had barely crawled out of the primordial ooze.

Nick shook himself. It was time to get moving. Determined not to be discovered as the Peeping Tom he’d already rather proven himself to be, he sidled hastily back toward the open hallway.

Not quite fast enough, as it turned out.

Chloe rounded the corner. “Ni – erm Rush! Um, hi!”

He forced down the blood rising in his cheeks and pulled his most guileless face. “Ah, Chloe. I was wondering where you’ve gotten off to. It seems we have another Ancient code system to unravel today. This one may have had something to do with their Circadian Rhythms. Interested?”

She narrowed her eyes, obviously not entirely buying his cover story. Fortunately, she was either too intrigued by his offer or flustered by earlier events to call him out. As she was nodding her assent, Lt Scott appeared at her shoulder, adjusting his uniform. Nick felt slightly sick.

“Oh, hey Dr. Rush.”

“Lieutenant Scott.” He bit back a grimace.

“Don’t work her too hard, okay Doc?” Scott smiled easily, as though they were in any way friends.

“As in all things, that is up to her, Lieutenant.” Nick replied smoothly, his eyes never leaving Chloe’s face.

She blushed, her lips parting slightly, before looking away. She’d be in no doubt by now that he’d overheard plenty. Somehow it mattered less, when he could make her blush like that.

Lt. Scott was eyeing him warily. Before he could reply, his radio blasted a command from Young. The young soldier responded diligently and bid them a polite farewell. Before leaving, he kissed Chloe thoroughly, as though to prove he still could. Her eyes went wide as he did, but she did not push him away.

Once Lt. Scott was at a sufficient distance, Chloe turned to Nick with her brow furrowed. “How much did you hear, this time?”

He tried to make his expression bland as milk. “Oh, something about your work and his complete lack of consideration for its necessity. Nothing new. You really ought to stop having these tiffs in public spaces.”

Chloe’s mouth twisted. “He doesn’t seem to have much grasp on public versus private, does he?”

Nick’s chest gave that little flutter again. It would be so easy to tear the boy apart in her eyes. Chloe obviously respected his opinion a great deal, by now. There would be nothing simpler but to drip poison in her ear about her lover. It may not turn the tide his way completely, but perhaps it was worth the chance. Chloe had grown so far from a naïve girl clinging to the strong soldier. She was standing on her own two feet and Lt. Scott was merely holding her back, at this point. Some part of her knew it – had to know it. This wasn’t the first time she had turned to Nick for affirmation of her doubts.

So easy.

His mouth went dry. He cleared his throat, stalling for time.

Chloe raised an eyebrow. “What?”

Nick cursed inwardly. Despite his perverse desire to trash her lover, he found himself gently prodding her in the other direction. “It does take two to argue, sweetheart.”

She deflated visibly, sagging against the same wall that had held him up only moments ago. “Yeah. You’re right.” She sighed. “I’m probably not very easy to live with these days.”

“Perhaps that’s why we get on so well, you and I.”

She smirked but there was genuine warmth in her gaze. “Getting on well seems to be a relative thing around here.”

“Aren’t all relationships relative?” He shrugged. “Perhaps it takes one difficult person to really understand another. Or…” He leaned in, lowering his voice conspiratorially “Perhaps, I’m just that bad an influence.”

This time she smiled fully and he felt lighter all over for having caused it. “Do you think I’m so easily swayed?” She teased.

He leaned on the wall with one shoulder, his body turned toward her, adopting an overly nonchalant stance. “Some might say we do spend an inordinate amount of time with one another.”

She shifted toward him, any closer and their noses would almost touch. His eyes nearly crossed trying to keep her in focus. Her voice was low and surprisingly throaty. “Something tells me there’s something more than proximity, here, Nick.”

He swallowed heavily. This was rapidly going in a very dangerous direction. Even he could not deny the heat steadily building around them. Chloe’s pupils were dilated, her breathing rapid. His blood was pumping overly fast and starting to travel to areas he had been steadfastly ignoring for quite some time. Lt. Scott’s words echoed in his ears.

_I might be threatened if I didn’t trust you and if even the idea wasn’t just kind of… sad._

Like a bucket of cold water, that thought.

He reeled back with enough force that he was afraid he’d lose his balance, mumbling something vaguely coherent about the work they had to do.

Chloe looked around distractedly, her face beet red, and quickly agreed.

They both head directly for the control room, leaving at least a foot of space between them the whole way.

 


	6. Chapter 6

After their awkward conversation in the hallway, Chloe noticed Nick keeping his distance from her, physically. They still spoke at great length on a number of topics, but he seemed to edge away any time she came close.  

She probably shouldn’t have noticed it at all. It was not as though they needed to work literally side by side to get things done, or to exchange hugs at the ends of their shifts. It was not as though she needed his hand guiding hers at the controls or to trace Ancient script, anymore.

It was his right to avoid touching her and probably the best course of action, given that she had  _a fucking boyfriend_.

She knew she had loved Matt. She had been willing to sacrifice herself for him, at one time, and there wasn’t a doubt in her mind that she’d do it again. It was no less than he deserved.

Why did that feel so long ago, now?

Being with Matt still felt like a safe haven, comfortable and familiar. He expected nothing but her time and her affection. That should have been so easy. Except… when he held her, lately, it felt like suffocating. At night, they cuddled to sleep, but more and more she felt the need to extricate herself from his embrace, pacing their shared room like a lioness in a cage.

Her skin itched with restlessness at night or whenever Matt coaxed her into a social engagement. It wasn’t until she got to the bridge or to her lessons with Nick that she started to feel less agitated. With Nick, there was always something new to learn or discover, some new fire to put out. Funny, how chaos was starting to feel so much more like home.

Matt didn’t know or care to know much about her recent work, but he listened attentively and nodded when she talked about it. He didn’t manically spitball new ideas with her or laugh when she made a joke in Ancient (her lessons had finally gotten around to colloquialisms). He didn’t challenge her to prove her assertions or correct her when she veered off course. He didn’t challenge her at all, actually.

And maybe that was part of the problem.

Chloe stopped in her pacing. The ship was starting to come alive outside her door. Matt would be up and getting dressed soon. She just couldn’t face that look of love in his eyes, today.

She pulled on the rest of her raggedy clothes and slipped out of the door with no real destination in mind. She didn’t have an assignment until later and that made her feel driftless. Unwittingly, her feet began to beat the path to Nick’s quarters.

Halfway there, Camile passed her in the hallway and stopped. “Hey, have you seen Rush? It was his turn with the stones and he skipped again today. Eli hadn’t seen him.”

Chloe halted, forcing her face to stay neutral, as if the older woman could read her mind. She had no ready excuse for seeking out Nick this early in the morning and she knew exactly how that would look. “Uh, no, we don’t have a lesson today so I wouldn’t see him until second shift. But I’ll keep an eye out.”

Camile nodded. “Please do. How are things going with you two, anyway?”

“Oh, you know how he is. Prickly and sarcastic, as usual. But dedicated to Destiny and a good teacher, too.” Chloe smiled, working indifference into her voice as best her could. “We work well together.” She seemed to say that so often now, it was becoming a tag line. But what other way was there to explain the way they fell instantly in tandem when they worked? How could she put into words the little leap her heart gave when she so much as heard his heavy accent in the hall?

“So I hear. Young tried to cut some of your hours with the team, but Rush wouldn’t hear of it. He said you were ‘essential to his work’. That’s high praise coming from him.” Camile tilted her head to one side.

Chloe’s mouth twisted involuntarily. Camile could be a lovely person, but conversations with her always felt half steeped in subtext. She chose her words carefully. “Yes, I’m flattered. It’s been very important to me that I could make myself of use, here.”

Camile nodded. “I know what you mean. Well, if you see Rush, please let him know he can have a turn with the stones, if he still wants one.” The corners of her mouth turned down, her eyes softening. “Though… I guess there may not be much reason for him to need it these days.”

For the first time in a while, Chloe was struck by how emotionally invested Camile really was in the entirety of the crew. She touched the woman’s shoulder lightly. “I’ll tell him.”

Camile nodded again, her focus drifting away, gazing at something Chloe couldn’t see. Her eyes cleared abruptly and she smiled apologetically. “You’ve been good for him, I think. He communicates more than he shouts, recently, and I think that has been some of your influence. I think he needs that – an anchor, a reminder that he still belongs in humanity.”

Chloe couldn’t think of a response, so she nodded dumbly. The words resonated in her mind, though. She was influencing him? All this time, she’d thought he was the one molding her, but could it have been reciprocal?

She liked the way that felt. A little too much, perhaps.

As Camile walked away, Chloe’s mind returned to its racing. She was outside of Nick’s door, still unsure as to her intentions.

He didn’t answer when she knocked, so she took a deep breath and hit the button to open the door. It was empty.

She crossed the threshold anyways and sat down heavily on the bed. It was cold, sheets and blankets in a twisted heap at the foot. He had slept restlessly, if at all. Unbidden, the thought of how she might help him relax tickled her mind. It made her tingle all over, a pleasant sensation soon washed over by a wave of guilt.

She and Matt had made love just the night before. It has been sweet and tender and almost completely unsatisfying until she closed her eyes and pictured a different lover. Nick’s face in her mind, she had come so swiftly and with such force that even Matt was taken aback. Naturally, he had attributed the reaction to his skill as a lover – which was certainly not lacking – and she hadn’t the slightest inclination to disabuse him of the notion.

Oh, and wasn’t this a pretty mess she’d gotten herself into.

Chloe lay down on the bed, curling onto one side. Surrounded by Nick’s scent, her imagination bucked and capered. Nick wouldn’t make love to her; he would take her as if by storm. They would battle for the upper hand and she’d let him win because either way the victory would be hers. She thought of him backing her up against a wall in an empty corridor, of riding him in the captain’s chair on the bridge. She pictured all the dark corners on the Destiny that they could christen. There wasn’t a doubt in her mind he’d go willingly. For all his lofty aspirations of ascending, he was still a man and he wanted her. That much, at least, he hadn’t been able to hide. It must have been a long time since he–

She sat up and cursed loudly. She knew where he had gone.

He just couldn’t stay away from that damn chair, could he?

Well, this time, Chloe wouldn’t play so nice. Her blood raced in her veins as she ran toward the chair room. Once she got there, she composed herself enough to approach carefully.

Getting closer, she realized he wasn’t hooked up to the machine at all; he was just sitting there, staring into the distance. His eyes were glazed and out of focus.

“Nick.”

For the first time, he seemed to notice he was not alone. “Chloe.”

“What are you doing here? I thought we agreed…” She stood inches from his knees, her legs braced apart, hands on her hips. A stance evincing far more power and control than she really felt. Inside, everything was vibrating with tension, but she couldn’t let him see that, not just yet.

His chin jutted out stubbornly. “You agreed, perhaps. I agreed to nothing.”

She scowled down at him and he leaned back in the chair, exhaling loudly.

“I didn’t turn it on, though, did I?”

“No.” She conceded, her mouth a thin line. “But you were considering it.”

The fact he looked away rather than argue confirmed her suspicion.

She made an irritated sound at the back of her throat and leaned forward, bracing her hands on his shoulders. “Why do you keep doing this to yourself? To me?” There was an unexpectedly plaintive note in her voice.

His head jerked back, eyes widening as they met hers. “To you?”

“Of course, to me. Do you just never think about who else you could be hurting when you put yourself at risk?” They were so close, now, it was impossible to quell the tremors in her belly. Her hands were threatening to shake and she gripped him tighter for it. His nostrils flared. Her eyes dropped briefly to his Adam’s apple as it bobbed in his throat and she had to fight the urge to trace it with her tongue. She licked her lips and saw his gaze drawn to her mouth. Deliberately this time, she repeated the motion. A low growl escaped him and his hands came to rest tentatively on her hips, where they hovered just above his lap. At even that light touch, she felt the rest of her mask of friendly concern drop.

She saw a flash of realization on his face before it was replaced by something darker and more primal. His hands on her hips gripped harder and pulled her forward until she had landed in his lap, her knees bent awkwardly on the sides of his thighs. She blessed her Yoga training for the flexibility. Their foreheads touched and his breath was hot on her face.

“Why?” he growled.

“Why, what?” She tucked in each knee, adjusting to the constricting dimensions of the chair. It brought them flush together from the waist down. Her efforts were rewarded with his sharp intake of breath and the undeniable proof of her effect on him. Experimentally, Chloe rolled her hips, relishing the friction and Nick bit back a whimpering sound. His hands slid around to shape her buttocks, squeezing and caressing.

“Why me? You’ve got soldier boy and Math Boy quaking in their boots to do your bidding. You certainly don’t need a misanthropic old man around, spoiling the fun.”

He was baiting her and she knew it.

Thoughts clashed in her head. Her pulse was racing and all that pent up yearning was pooling between her legs, centered over exactly what her body knew it wanted. Why? Why did she want – no,  _need_  – this? Why him? A million reasons flooded through and over her consciousness, most of which made sense only in the most fleeting, intangible terms. If she had an answer for him, he might argue her back down to reality. He might put a stop to this utter, delicious madness buzzing in her veins, thrumming in her belly and down to her core. If she had just one solid answer, she might have been able to stop herself, by now.

“Why?” She repeated evenly, “Because it was inevitable.” And she brought her mouth down to his.

As first kisses go, it was not her best. The angle was not ideal and both of their lips were dry from the constant risk of dehydration. But the way he moaned and pressed her to him could not have been more perfect. Her hands trailed up his neck to rest on either side of his face. She adjusted his head and deepened the kiss. 

Oh!  _Much_  better.

He bit her lower lip, drawing it in between his own and she shivered with pleasure. By the time his hungry mouth found her neck, all semblance of rational thought seemed lost. Heat radiated down every limb, an electric spiral of want. Desire made her slick and aching.  It occurred to her that she might soak through her tattered yoga pants and onto his jeans, if they stayed like this.

Reluctantly, she pulled away, her fingers now tangled in his hair. They were both breathing like they’d run a marathon, faces flushed and pupils wide.

“Your room?” She panted out.

“And what if we’re seen?” His eyes narrowed; his face slowly hardening. “Could you convince Lieutenant Scott of your purely _academic_ intentions looking the way you do right now?”

She flushed from head to toe. “I… hadn’t thought about that.” She admitted. 

He must have been enjoying her embarrassment on some level, because she felt him twitch through his jeans. However, his expression betrayed nothing of it, effectively closing her out.

“I didn’t think you had.” He unwound his arms from her.

Feeling suddenly bereft and quite lost, she slid back onto her feet. “Then why did you…?” She gestured between them.

“Contrary to popular belief, I am human. And not impervious to… attraction.” He screwed his eyes shut, pinching the bridge of his nose with one hand, seemingly unconcerned with his tousled hair or tented pants. “But, despite my very obvious temptation to accept your  _solicitous_  offer,” His voice had turned snide and Chloe’s temper flared at the implication. “I’ve no intention of turning the whole military corps against me, again, just to play games with you.”

His cold candor was like a punch to the gut. She blinked back angry tears, not willing to give him the satisfaction of knowing he’d hit home.

“Fine.” She bit out the word, backing away and crossing her arms. The ebbing desire made her feel weak, her limbs watery and numb. She turned stiffly and crossed to the door as quickly as her shaky legs would carry her. Before hitting the button to open the door, she paused. “It was never a game, Dr. Rush. At least not for me. But if that’s all you see, then I guess you don’t know me nearly as well as I thought you did. And… and if that’s the case… then maybe it’s best we do end it, now. Before either of us has any more regrets on this ship.”

He murmured something low but she just barely caught it. “Too late for me, I’m afraid.”

An unexpected sob choked her and she fled from the room.  

 

 

 


	7. Chapter 7

The ship was all atwitter with the new gossip. Chloe Armstrong and Lt. Matthew Scott had broken up. Some were saying that Lt. Scott had cheated on her. Others claimed Chloe had thrown him over for not being smart enough for her. There were even a few whispering that Chloe had started to go all Blue-alien again and Scott was afraid for his life.

Chloe remained tight-lipped on the subject. She stalked through the hallways looking straight ahead, pride keeping her shoulders rigid and her back unbent.

Even when the ugly rumor started that she had actually begun a secret affair with the reviled Dr. Rush, she made no comment. She did her allocated duties but no longer attended lessons. She kept to herself.

Nick, for his part, knew the affair was (mostly) a lie and he was reasonably sure she was not turning into an alien again. She was, however, looking much the worse for wear. She picked at her meals, showed up for shifts with her hair matted and untended. There were dark circles under her red-rimmed eyes.

With all that, her newly self-destructive bent, he knew he still wanted her. He bit the inside of his lip when she passed him in the hallways and felt his face burn if they accidentally brushed hands while working. Some dark part of him was thrilled she had kicked the soldier boy to the curb. It was disgusting – a new low, even for him.

The worst of it was that he hadn’t the slightest idea how to get through to her, even as a friend. He had tried, of course. The minute he saw her start to sink, he had tried to extend a hand, an olive branch, whatever he could think of. She ignored every attempt, looking dully through him and refusing conversation. If he reached out to touch her, she recoiled and shuffled away.

A couple weeks after moving out of Lt. Scott’s room, Chloe disappeared into her new quarters and didn’t leave for three days straight. Eli, Camile, and TJ took turns outside her door, cajoling, pleading, trying to reason with her. They left bowls of protein mush that went uneaten. Eli even sang funny songs, loudly and off-key, a couple times. Eventually, Chloe’s thin voice would command them all to go away.

Whenever the rest were not around, Nick snuck over to check on her. She had hacked the door lock so it would only open from within. He wasn’t sure when she’d done it, but he knew she had because he’d taught her (and only her) that particular trick.

He knocked politely at first, then not-so-politely. He shouted at her to get her act together. He wheedled her about ignoring her duties. He even tried offering a heartfelt apology for their latest falling out – without mentioning specifics, as he was sure there was a Kino nearby. On the third day, when he’d nearly pounded his fist bloody against the door, it slid open and Chloe appeared.

“If I come back to the bridge will you make them all stop bothering me?” Her voice was rough from disuse.

Nick crossed his arms, trying to pretend he hadn’t just been cursing his fool head off at a locked door. “Aye.” He nodded. “I can do that for ye.” His throat felt tight, seeing her like this, the backs of his eyes burned.

A sullen silence descended, but neither of them retreated.

She broke the silence. “I didn’t do it for you.” At the question in his eyes, she confirmed his suspicions. “Matt. We just… we weren’t working anymore. Hadn’t been for a while, really. But it wasn’t because of you.”

“I’d never have presumed it was.” He admitted.

She gave him a sharp look, probably trying to ascertain whether or not he was teasing, but he looked back with frank sincerity. He harbored no romantic illusions about Chloe’s actions toward him. He had been a diversion, an escape from the unraveling disaster that was her relationship with Lt. Scott. The fact he had allowed himself to buy into the fantasy was probably just a matter of loneliness. The lure of being appreciated by an attractive, intelligent young woman hadn’t hurt. That did seem to be a weakness for him. It would pass, with time, he told himself. Right now, Chloe needed him as a friend, not as a man. Losing her in that capacity, too, would be unbearable.

 “Funny thing about people.” He began, searching for the right kind of neutral, philosophical tone; one that wouldn’t drive her back into her room. “We can adapt to the most unusual circumstances. We grow… accustomed to the way things are. And we can get very threatened when there’s a possibility of change.”

“Is this your way of telling me you fear change?” It was impossible to tell if she was being purposely obtuse.

 “Wasn’t referring to just myself.” He amended for clarity. Chloe disliked criticism but she would at least appreciate the lack of hypocrisy.

“And here I thought you were going to try being honest with me for a change.” It was dry, but he thought he could detect the barest stirrings of her sense of humour.

Nick gave a mock bow. “I’ve never been anything but.”

“A lie of omission is still a lie.”

He sighed. “We could keep going round in circles like this for hours. Or we could get to the real reason we’re here.”

She closed her eyes, looking pained again, but it was obviously exaggerated for his benefit. “You don’t ever let me hide, do you? Not even for a little while.”

“Three days is a bit more than ‘a little while’, love.” He gentled his tone, hoping it would soothe her.

“Always so meticulous.” She whispered, but there was a definite hint of teasing in it, now. He looked up to assure himself he wasn’t imagining that. The ghost of a smile flitted across Chloe’s face before she looked away again.

His heart felt suddenly lighter “You’d like me even less if I wasn’t.”

“Less than what?” She murmured.

 “Hmm, still deflecting.”

She gave a weak chuckle. “Obviously not well.”

“Chloe…” He reached out to cup her face but thought the better of it and let his hand fall back to his side. Instead, he leaned against the doorframe, bringing their faces near level and less than a foot apart. Chloe needed a bath, he could tell, but somehow that didn’t bother him. There was something very appealing about her natural scent. And that began to lead his thoughts in a direction that would be entirely unhelpful to this situation. He shifted his stance, crossing one leg over the other.

Finally, she breached the space between them, tracing the edge of his vest with one slender finger, which did nothing to aid his concentration.

“I just… needed time to process things. There wasn’t anywhere I could just  _be_  on this ship. I felt claustrophobic, like I was under a microscope with everyone crowding around to watch me. I wasn’t going to hurt myself or anything. I’ve mostly been just meditating. Although Eli’s singing didn’t make it easy. I just needed to not feel their eyes on me for a few days and be alone with myself. Find my center, again. Does that make sense?” She met his eyes again.

He nodded slowly. “It does. But you could have told someone. You just disappeared and I was… we were all very worried about you.”

“I’m sorry. I couldn’t even deal with having that conversation.” She tilted her head to the side. “I have missed you.” That took him aback. The rawness of emotion reflected in her wide cerulean gaze, the admission completely devoid of artifice.

He fought against the urge to gather her to him. “I’ve… missed you, too.”

She nibbled her lip, studying him intently. “I mean as more than just my teacher or my friend, Nick. I missed…  _you_.” She lowered her voice, glancing quickly around for a Kino. “When I was meditating, I kept seeing your face and I realized that I had been hiding in more ways than one. I hadn’t wanted to admit to myself that things were over with Matt long before I ended them because then I’d have to open my eyes to new possibilities around me. I’d have to admit how I felt about you. Well, I don’t want to hide from that anymore.” She took a deep breath, both of her hands sliding up his vest to link around his neck. “I want you to stay here tonight, Nick. With me. Will you?”

His breath caught in his throat. He wished desperately that she didn’t have this effect on him; it made him feel so powerless. That was not a comfortable feeling. There was a time when she’d been just another girl. Another minor annoyance in his life aboard the Destiny, easily ignored, easily forgotten. When exactly had that changed? He couldn’t really remember, now.

He swallowed hard. “I…Christ, Chloe, I can’t tell you how much I’ve wanted to hear you say that… but… are you certain it’s what you really want? I know we’ve gotten close but…”

“You’re afraid to be my rebound.” She finished his thought adroitly,

He flinched at the artless accuracy of the statement. “You have to admit, the timing is not ideal.”

She nodded, one hand stroking the hair at the nape of his neck in a way that threatened to make his knees turn to water. “I get it. We need to know that this is real. That the crazy way my heart beats off tempo when I’m near you isn’t just…”

“Proof of your descent into madness?” He suggested, with a self-deprecating smirk.

She gave him a lopsided grin. “There are worse ways to go, around here.”

He needed to extricate himself from this before he let her change his mind. It would be just a little too easy to give in and follow her into her room, to her bed, without resolving any of this.  But Nicholas Rush was not a man given easily to idle self-indulgence. He was too wary of the consequences of his actions.

Reluctantly, he removed her from him, backing into the hallway. “You once told me that you think I care too much and that may well be. I wouldn’t admit it to anyone else, but the fact is…” He felt himself trail off, unable to put into words quite how he felt about her. “This isn’t a ‘no’ or a goodbye. Just a chance to… be certain. Yeah?”

Chloe looked disappointed but she nodded complacently. “Okay, Nick. We’ll start slow, get to really know each other, away from the work and the crew. How about dinner together, tomorrow? I’ll bring it over to your place so we don’t have to deal with the mess hall.”

“Aye. I’d like that.”

 

 


	8. Chapter 8

Despite being long overdue, ending things with Matt had been an agonizing decision. Growing pains, Chloe speculated, with almost clinical detachment. He had taken it surprisingly well, all told. He was hurt, but there was a telltale sigh of relief in his acceptance. By the end, there had been nothing left between them but history and silence.

She was grateful when Matt said nothing to the crew, preferring to mourn privately, as she did. It was not his fault that gossipmongers, shrouded in false concern, still nipped at her heels. Luckily, her three day disappearance seemed to have shamed the worst of them into retreat. A few strong words from Young may have helped. Whatever the cause, Chloe found herself blissfully alone as she made her way about the ship.

At 1800 hours, a freshly scrubbed, pink-faced Chloe was holding two bowls of something vaguely edible they had gathered on a recent planet and standing outside Nicholas Rush’s compartment. Her nerves were humming with excitement. Her knock was a shallow, tentative thing, but the door slid open immediately. She wondered idly if Nick had been standing by the door in anticipation.

The thought made her smile. “Evening, Nick.”

Nick smiled back, a little tremulously. “You… look very nice.”

 “It’s amazing what a full night’s sleep and a shower can do.” Chloe laughed. “May I…?” She gestured toward the room behind him.

“Of course.” Nick stepped back, allowing her to enter.

 She swallowed her nerves and reminded herself to sway her hips as she walked past him. He had straightened up the room quite a bit, made the bed, and cleared space at the table. She deposited the bowls of food on the latter and turned to face him. “So. Here we are.” 

Nick crossed his arms, his brow furrowing. “Indeed.”

Neither spoke for several minutes, the ambiguity of this moment standing like a living thing between them. She twisted her fingers together and darted her eyes around the room, looking for any way to break the tension. It was small consolation that Nick looked just as lost she felt.

“I, um, I didn’t really think this through past actually getting you to agree to see me. Romantically.” She winced at her own awkwardness.

He uncrossed his arms and rubbed the back of his neck, slowly. “Well, you’re not the only one unprepared. I… I didn’t think you’d actually show.”

Chloe’s mouth twisted. “I was the one who asked you… why wouldn’t I show?”

Nick inclined his head. “I thought perhaps you’d come to your senses.”

Chloe suppressed the urge to kiss that crooked grin off his face. “That’s exactly it, though, isn’t it? I finally did come to my senses. But I feel like I made such a mess of things, getting there…” She closed the distance between them with a few measured strides. She stopped when they were barely a foot apart, her eyes searching his. “Nick… what can I do to prove to you that this is real?”

His shoulders rose and fell with a deep, heavy breath. “I believe that you mean it, now. But I can’t say you won’t have regrets.”

“You don’t give yourself enough credit.”

“I give myself exactly the right amount of credit. Let’s not pretend I’m the romantic hero type, hm?” Despite the acidity of his words, his hands came to rest gently on her upper arms, absentmindedly trailing the exposed skin, there.

Chloe shivered involuntarily, gooseflesh following his whispering touch. She leaned closer, her hands coming to rest on the belt at his narrow hips. She brushed her lips against his. He tensed briefly before succumbing to the kiss, parting his lips almost instantly when her tongue darted between them. His hands traveled the length of her back, pulling their bodies flush together. She could feel the jut of his hipbones against hers, as well as the first stirrings of his arousal. Her hands skimmed under his fraying shirts, running her nails over the skin of his lower back. He growled into her mouth and grasped her behind with both hands, thrusting shallowly against her. She broke the kiss with a gasp, breathing hard.

His eyes raked over her face with a hunger that made her knees feel weak. But there was sadness too, buried deep in their shadowy depths. His head dropped to her shoulder. She felt a soft kiss to her collarbone, then the vibration as he spoke, his voice rough.

“I won’t be good for you, Chloe. I can’t… I can’t make you happy. You deserve that, at least.”

Threading an arm between them, she lightly grasped his face between her hands and brought him back to eye level. “I can make myself happy, Nick. That’s not your job.”

He looked skeptical but said nothing.

Chloe sighed loudly, releasing his face to run her hands through his hair. It was cleaner than last time and flowed like silk through her fingers. His eyes fell closed as she stroked his hair, gently tugging at the ends before repeating the motion. His head descended to her shoulder once more, the scruff of his beard tickling her as he nuzzled into the crook of her neck.

“Do I make you happy, Nick?” She asked, her breath suddenly growing short.

He nodded against her, peppering her jawline with little kisses, then nipping at her earlobe. “Aye.” He brought his gaze back up to hers. “Frustrated.” He kissed her forehead. “Excited.” He kissed the tip of her nose. “And perhaps just a little bit… uncertain.” He kissed her mouth briefly before pulling back and stroking the side of her face. “But I’d be a liar if I said the time with you wasn’t some of the happiest I’ve had on this ship, especially since we woke up.”

Chloe relaxed into his touch, wrapping her arms loosely around his slim waist. “Then why is it so difficult to believe that I feel the same with you?”

He raised an eyebrow “Past experience?”

She chuckled, tightening her embrace to bring them body to body. “Then let’s make some new experiences….”

This time when her mouth caught his, he didn’t hesitate. He crushed her to him, one hand trailing down to squeeze her buttock. The other stroked her hair and caressed her face. Chloe ran her hands up and down his back as they explored one another’s mouths. She pressed her hips into his, gratified to feel his erection twitching back to life.

They pulled apart breathless and nearly giddy. Chloe gave him her filthiest grin and pulled her shirt off in one swift motion. Nick’s mouth dropped open as his eyes shamelessly swept over every inch of the newly exposed skin. He drew her close once more, with both hands at her hips. He ducked his head, tracing a path from one collarbone to the other with his tongue, then to the valley between her breasts. Nick lavished her chest, tasting the sensitive undersides of each breast then drawing first one then the other taut peak into his mouth. Chloe mewled and ran her fingers through his hair.

She pulled his face back up to hers, kissing him as she backed them both toward the bed. She yanked off both of his shirts and pushed him playfully down on the mattress. He fell back with a look of surprise. Chloe straddled him and bent down to place an open mouthed kiss just over his heart. She could feel it beating fast under her lips. Trailing kisses as she went, Chloe explored his chest and stomach. She nibbled at his too-prominent ribs, crawling backwards down his body. He took a long shuddering breath as she slid his belt out of its buckle, pulling down his zipper.

One hand came to rest lightly on her head. “Chloe, you don’t have to…”

“Hush, Nick.” She freed his cock and stroked him with one hand. He was hard and pulsing, moisture beading at the tip.

He swore quietly as she took him in her mouth, teasing with her tongue. She pulled back the foreskin and swirled her tongue over the tip, tasting his saltiness. Nick groaned as she bobbed her head up and down.

“Chloe, stop!” He choked out.

She looked up, releasing him from her mouth with an audible pop.

His eyes were like saucers, his chest rising and falling rapidly. “It’s been… a while. I need… Please, Chloe? If we’re doing this… I’d like to make sure you get something out of it.” He gave a crooked grin.

Chloe giggled and lay on her back, shimmying out of her pants. Nick pulled his the rest of the way off, kicking them carelessly off the end of the bed. Naked, he covered her body with his. His hand smoothed down her side as he trailed kisses from her neck to her chest. She tilted her head back feeling Nick’s beard tickle its way down. He mouthed at her stomach, warm breath tracing a path down to the insides of her thighs. She spread her legs for him to settle between. He teased her nether lips, circling her clit with his tongue. She felt his fingers and tongue exploring her sex, one digit, then another, sliding deep, and she cried out. He suckled at her tender nub, crooking two fingers within and hitting a spot that made her legs shake.

Chloe saw stars as he pushed her over that peak. She almost could have laughed at the irony of seeing stars in that way while travelling in FTL. She pulled him up to kiss her once more, feeling his cock nudge at her dripping entrance. He pulled back to meet her eyes, pushing her hair from her sweating brow.

“Yes?” he murmured, searching her face wit his gaze.

Chloe nodded, wrapping her long legs around his hips to nudge him forward. He groaned as he sank into her slick flesh. He withdrew halfway to plunge home once more and Chloe gasped her pleasure. Nick set a steady pace and Chloe cradled him between her hips. His teeth worried the skin of her neck. She bucked beneath him, her nails leaving marks down his narrow back as a second orgasm took her by surprise. Her inner muscles clenched and fluttered and Nick’s thrusts became erratic. He pulled out at the last moment, spilling himself into his hand.

“I… I didn’t know if…” He panted.

“It’s fine. My implant should be good a little while longer. But… thank you.” Chloe handed him some spare rags to clean up.

Nick picked up his shirts to dress but Chloe tossed the clothing away and pulled him back into the bed with her. He settled without protest, pulling her into him and kissing the top of her head. Their feet entwined as their heartbeats fell into sync. Chloe drifted off to a peaceful, dreamless sleep.


	9. Chapter 9

Within a week or two the crew had stopped side-eying Chloe in the halls. Before long, it was all business as usual. It still took another month and a half for Nick to hold her hand in public.

Eli knew before she told him. His stunned disappointment eventually turned to reluctant acceptance. He later would joke that he always knew Chloe had a weakness for Math Geniuses; he just apparently hadn’t been Scottish enough.

Time passed as it always had, in a series of constructed 8 hour shifts. Until one day, almost by accident, Nick and Eli cracked the code. They figured out how to dial Earth. Neither would say whose idea it had really been, but in the end it didn’t matter who got credit. It worked. A kind of organized chaos descended as Destiny’s inhabitants packed their meager belongings and twittered deliriously over what fast food delicacy they would indulge in first.

Chloe held her breath as they dialed and it felt like the entire ship was holding it with her. Nick had bitten his nails to the quick and Eli was nervously babbling Star Trek trivia, but the call went through strong and clear. The signal held and the first group stepped into the Earth’s atmosphere for the first time in half a decade.

There was a period of adjustment and debriefing. Most of Destiny’s crew found they were more comfortable indoors until the sun had set. The stars, at least, were familiar territory. Though, they felt far too far away. Some of the crew had been determined to stay, too afraid to leave, afraid it was all a fevered dream. But when even Nicholas Rush agreed to cross the threshold, they found their courage. He and Eli left the Destiny idling in range of dialing back, a tether that felt more like a safety net. That night, Eli took off eagerly for his mother’s house. Chloe searched for Nick but was told he had already left to attend to some business matters. Troubled by his quiet disappearance, she accepted a ride to her own mother’s house.

She was reunited with her mother and remaining family in a series of tearstained hugs. She excused herself after an hour, claiming fatigue. It felt odd to try and sleep in a big, squishy bed. The fabric was too soft and the pillows felt smothering. The temperatures were all wrong and the gravity felt oppressive on her skin.

Halfway through the night, she realized she knew where Nick had gone. If her mother noticed or objected to Chloe taking a taxi in the middle of the night, she said nothing. It took her until nearly sunrise, but she found him exactly where she knew he’d be.

Nick had two graves to visit now, after all.

Mandy’s stone was a simple, delicate thing. It suited her, from what little Chloe could remember of her.

He didn’t look up as she approached but she could tell he sensed her presence. He gave a wry half-smirk. “There’s no chair to save me from, here.”

“Maybe I need the saving this time.” She sat beside him, just close enough to touch.

He looked at her curiously. He had obviously been crying and made no attempt to hide it.

“My mother’s house.” She offered with a shrug.

“If you’re looking for a bunkmate, I may not be such good company tonight.”

“I’d be shocked if you were.” Chloe reached over to push a few stray locks of his hair behind one ear. He hadn’t even stopped to shave. She ran her fingers gently along his rough beard, finally feeling herself start to calm. If Eli and Nick needed a link to Destiny, maybe what she needed to feel grounded was a link to Nick. She didn’t want to focus too much on what that meant, right now.

In the months they had been intimate, they never talked about Earth or what it would mean if they could come back. Not because it seemed so impossible, but because it didn’t matter. She knew that this visit to Earth was temporary for him. He would be back aboard the Destiny as soon as he was cleared to go. If it didn’t happen soon enough, he would find his own way back.

 And Chloe?

Chloe felt caught between two worlds, a child of Earth but no longer comfortable in its confines. Who could be satisfied with walking on the ground after flying through galaxies? Not to mention all the information still crowding around her brain. She had found ways to organize it, to sort out the useful parts and leave the rest behind. It still made her different, changed.

Five years ago she would have been kissing the dirt with gratitude. She would have shucked her shoes and run through a meadow, danced in the rain, laughed in the sunlight. Now, it all seemed too noisy and heavy and crowded. The air hurt her lungs. The food was too rich for her simplified palate, cloying on her tongue.

Chloe’s hand dropped to her side as they fell into a familiar companionable silence. She plucked at a few blades of grass, rolling them between her fingers and contemplating the forgotten scent of foliage.

At length, Nick looked at her again. “You don’t have to stay.” It was not an admonishment, simply a statement of fact.

“I want to… if you don’t mind, that is.”

A shadow crossed Nick’s face, a flicker of something pleading in his eyes. It passed quickly and he shrugged. “I mean... we’ve never made one another any promises.”

Chloe swallowed hard. He wasn’t talking about just sitting with him in a cemetery. It was the closest thing to a mention of the future he had ever made.

“Would a promise have made a difference?” she asked softly, afraid to breach the subject fully, lest he startle and flee.

He looked back toward Mandy’s grave and shook his head solemnly. “I don’t suppose it ever has, really.” He rose to his feet and offered her a hand.

She took it, pulling herself up. Their hands stayed clasped as they took the winding path back to the front gate. With every step, Chloe felt more and more certain of the decision she had been afraid to make. Another quick call on her borrowed cell phone and a cab picked them up from the gate.

On the ride back to the base, Nick looked out of the window, seemingly lost in thought. But he never released hold of her hand.

She got out with him once they arrived and asked the driver to wait.

Nick turned to face her, his eyes searching, his mouth a thin line. She could feel the walls erecting themselves all around him. With a sound of desperation, she pulled him to her. He stumbled slightly, gasping in surprise, but she wrapped her arms tightly around him and held him fast. After a moment’s resistance, he melted into the embrace. She felt his shoulders shake as he finally let go of all those things he couldn’t find the words to say. She mumbled words of comfort in English and Ancient, tears springing to her own eyes. He clutched her tightly, his lips brushing her neck and cheek.

They pulled apart reluctantly when the cab driver indicated his impatience. Nick tossed a handful of cash at the man and made an obscene hand gesture. The driver cursed and drove away. Nick turned back to Chloe and took both of her hands in his. 

“Stay.” He said simply, voice worn thin but steady.

Chloe felt a smile blossom across her face. “Of course I will.”

Nick shook his head. “Not just tonight. Stay on Destiny. With me.”

She took a deep breath to calm herself. “What happened to ‘no promises’?”

“Bullocks to that. I’m a selfish man, Chloe. I’ve always been a selfish man. But I wouldn’t ask you to come back if I didn’t think you would benefit, too. There is so much more work we could do. Together. You’d be stifled here, underutilized. They can’t challenge you anymore. But Destiny… Destiny is a challenge worthy of you, worthy of what you can… what  _we_  can accomplish. Destiny… needs you.”

Chloe blinked rapidly. “Destiny? Destiny needs me?” She tipped her head back with a rueful chuckle. “You still can’t just say it, can you, Nick?”

Nick gave her a pleading look. “Please… Chloe... I’ve never had much luck with those words. Can’t we just…?”

She relented, shaking her head. “I won’t force you. I wouldn’t want to hear it, if it was coerced, anyway.”

He raised one hand to her cheek and pressed his lips to hers. “So… what  _do_  you want, Chloe?”

“Right now?” She looked at the entrance to the base. “Right now, I want a good night’s sleep. Or day’s sleep, at this point.” The rising sun was making her squint, already. “And then tomorrow… tomorrow I want you to dial back to Destiny, so we can go home.”

With an inarticulate noise, Nick had seized her mouth once more. He crushed her to him, kissing her so hard, Chloe wondered she could still breathe at all. She kissed him back with all she was worth.

They spent that day resting in a private room at the base. The military issue bed was less than ideal but more like the ones on board Destiny than her queen sized mattress had been. When they woke, they made love slowly, with aching tenderness. Nick’s hands mapped her body as though touching her for the first time. In her ear, he whispered the words she most needed to hear. Her orgasm unfurled like a flag of both surrender and victory.

Chloe whispered the words back as they fell asleep and she could feel Nick smile against her neck.

In the morning the supplies had been loaded and everything was packed away. With Nick’s hand in hers, Chloe stepped once more into the Stargate.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am SO sorry for the looooong wait! I thought I'd already posted this ages ago :-P


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